Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Is there such a thing as balance?


I am either all or nothing. And I'm starting to not like that fact about me so much.
I often say that I need routine, I thrive on schedule and order. Until I feel trapped and then I'm screaming out for some freedom and go-with-the-flow-ness. And a couple days of that and I'm crying out "we need routine! We need order! Let's crack down."
Poor Kevin. I can't imagine being married to me.

I seriously don't know which one I want. Same bedtime every night, organized home, wake up early and refreshed and peaceful before the children wake up, laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, scheduled EVERYTHING. (This method also includes very little relationships built with people because of our precious bedtime we must leave. Or can't come to that, it's the kids' naps, and can't stay up just talking on the couch, we need to be up at 6 to workout so let's get in bed, etc)
   -or-
Wake up and let's see what the day brings us!
Going back and forth between the two seems just as difficult as choosing one solely because doing both is just plain confusion. The kids are like "we're going to bed at 8:00? It's still light out! You let us stay up till 11:00 for the last two nights because we had friends over!"
And I'm like "yeah, I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know what I'm doing. Sorry."

Some days I have every meal planned out, the kitchen is stocked with all the ingredients to make those 3 great meals and healthy snacks.
And some days we eat blue corn chips and salsa for lunch.

I understand that this is life, but I'm not digging it! I want an answer.
Tell me what to do and I'll obey kind of thing.

But the answer I got as I typed this is that there IS a balance and it's called peace and it only comes when I am operating by the Spirit and not my flesh. 
It comes when I give up control of everything (so hard to do) and allow the Holy Spirit to guide my days.
Some days He'll have it be smooth and very organized, and some days will be very flowy and unplanned.  But WONDERFUL because it's in His plan and His "schedule" for our family for that day.

I don't really know what all that looks like. And getting a super-natural system to work in our natural system always takes a great deal of faith and stepping even when we don't see ground beneath us.
But I know it's there, I know He does things better than I can.

I am thankful for God's reminders, like the human stress hormones, to give us a clue and help us realize *ding ding ding! NOT RELYING ON CHRIST. TOTALLY DOING IT BY YOURSELF. FAILING.*

So yeah...balance. A word that makes me roll my eyes and makes my heart race all at the same time. But it's really a call to go deeper in Him and let Him show me my sweet spot. My flow point. Where I operate the greatest and smoothest from.

Because obviously I haven't gotten there on my own yet:)

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Is there such a thing as balance?


I am either all or nothing. And I'm starting to not like that fact about me so much.
I often say that I need routine, I thrive on schedule and order. Until I feel trapped and then I'm screaming out for some freedom and go-with-the-flow-ness. And a couple days of that and I'm crying out "we need routine! We need order! Let's crack down."
Poor Kevin. I can't imagine being married to me.

I seriously don't know which one I want. Same bedtime every night, organized home, wake up early and refreshed and peaceful before the children wake up, laundry schedule, cleaning schedule, scheduled EVERYTHING. (This method also includes very little relationships built with people because of our precious bedtime we must leave. Or can't come to that, it's the kids' naps, and can't stay up just talking on the couch, we need to be up at 6 to workout so let's get in bed, etc)
   -or-
Wake up and let's see what the day brings us!
Going back and forth between the two seems just as difficult as choosing one solely because doing both is just plain confusion. The kids are like "we're going to bed at 8:00? It's still light out! You let us stay up till 11:00 for the last two nights because we had friends over!"
And I'm like "yeah, I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know what I'm doing. Sorry."

Some days I have every meal planned out, the kitchen is stocked with all the ingredients to make those 3 great meals and healthy snacks.
And some days we eat blue corn chips and salsa for lunch.

I understand that this is life, but I'm not digging it! I want an answer.
Tell me what to do and I'll obey kind of thing.

But the answer I got as I typed this is that there IS a balance and it's called peace and it only comes when I am operating by the Spirit and not my flesh. 
It comes when I give up control of everything (so hard to do) and allow the Holy Spirit to guide my days.
Some days He'll have it be smooth and very organized, and some days will be very flowy and unplanned.  But WONDERFUL because it's in His plan and His "schedule" for our family for that day.

I don't really know what all that looks like. And getting a super-natural system to work in our natural system always takes a great deal of faith and stepping even when we don't see ground beneath us.
But I know it's there, I know He does things better than I can.

I am thankful for God's reminders, like the human stress hormones, to give us a clue and help us realize *ding ding ding! NOT RELYING ON CHRIST. TOTALLY DOING IT BY YOURSELF. FAILING.*

So yeah...balance. A word that makes me roll my eyes and makes my heart race all at the same time. But it's really a call to go deeper in Him and let Him show me my sweet spot. My flow point. Where I operate the greatest and smoothest from.

Because obviously I haven't gotten there on my own yet:)