Monday, January 21, 2013

responding right to rough days

last week. yep. soak it in. 

Upon getting pregnant, one does not know a fraction of the amount that their life is going to change.
Having children changes everything.
I have so much to learn, but I am learning.

I woke up today, with the house somewhat clean (thanks to my man who cleaned the house while I was at a dentist appt!).
The very second I awake, or am awakened by Ruby, rather, I have to be ON. No slow, gentle rising. No easing into motherhood. It's sudden and I do not like it. To remedy this, I'm working on waking up an hour before Ruby so that I can have my mind wrapped around some things and be fully awake and ready to take on the day by the time she wakes up. It seems, however, that when I do this, Ruby wakes up an hour early that same day as well. Ruby!!!!

So this morning, boom, Ruby is in bed with me and almost crushing Nora.
"Ruby! Babe, be careful. She's a baby, you can't do that"
Nora needs a diaper change. Crawl out of the warm bed onto the cold hardwood floor to go get one.
"Mom I want some mmm. I want some mmmm. I want ganola. I want bwead"
I'm thinking I want coffee.
Sweet Kev has already made some and it's sitting waiting for me. Unfortunately we have a chincy coffee pot and it burns coffee quick if it sits on there more than a minute. So I make another cup or so.
Check the laundry room and roll my eyes and cusswords that haven't even been invented yet start flying through my head when I see the work that's ahead of me. I start a load and empty the dryer and carry the clean clothes basket into the living room to be folded.
Oh gosh, Nora could roll off the bed. Back to her. Change her diaper.
I bring homemade jello squares (awesome breakfast for your growing toddler, Jess) and coffee to bed and read the girls our library books.
I remember Ruby wet herself last night in church (stood up while potty is rolling down her pants and says "I have to go potty!". Little late babe:) ) and needs a bath from that.
I need a shower, too.
We prop Nora up in the Bumbo and hop in the shower.
Nora is crying and needs to go down for a nap.
I do that and Ruby insists on helping. I'm mouth-yelling to make no noise for my nursing babe I'm trying to get to sleep, but need to get my point across.
With huge facial expressions I mouth "Ruby, no! *point to the door* I'm laying Nora down, you may not be in here. Go out and I'll play with you in a minute"
And, being my little mirror image. She does the exact thing back.
Wide eyed and mouthing "Mommy! I help Nora. I wanna snuggle wiss her" and her body language makes me laugh out loud. So I lose control and authority and Ruby knows she's "in" because tough Momma just broke and is now laughing at how darn cute I am.

The morning was busier and more hectic but I'm leaving details out like trying to respond to all my clients and their booking needs.

The girls are both asleep now as I type this and it makes me realize this.

The hard times only last for a time. Nothing is permanent.
I know for me personally the enemy loves to get in my mind during these challenging times and try to make me pity myself. And tell myself how hard this is, that I'm never on top or in control anymore.

And actually, yep, that's true. Not the pitying myself, that's useless. I have no reason to be pitied! But the whole never-on-top, not-in-control thing. The house sometimes looks like that picture above. Honestly and thankfully not very often, but it does sometimes. I am sloooooowly learning to find joy when things are not going the way I think they should go. Can I still be a present, calm, and happy mom even if/when the house gets out of control and schedules are off and what I thought the day would look like has flown out the window? Or will it turn me into a witch that I don't ever want my family seeing?

Honestly, as of right now, it's more the latter. But I really am learning. And days like today are helping me. Because the day started off feeling so overwhelming and I wanted to give up and yell and just say THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO AND TOO MANY PEOPLE NEED ME. I can't do it!

So, I gathered all my emotions, put them in order, and chose what I know to be true: I chose to bring it to my covering. I prayed. I said "Yahweh, I need you. I declare this day is Your day that I get to be a part of, and I will do my part to be in your flow. My life is yours. Help me. Help me be whatever I need to be today" and I kept speaking and the weight of the world slowly lifted off my shoulders. Suddenly, I didn't care what I got done. I just cared about being with Him all day. In His presence. That couple hours of imperfection was finally revealed to me for what it really was: a couple hours. Compared to a lifetime.

This happened in my laundry room while Nora napped and Ruby watched a movie. I went in the living room with her and had a renewed sense of patience, gentleness, and kindness.
I'll get done whatever Yahweh wants me to get done. I retold myself.

And the cool part is? I got everything done that I wanted!
All laundry is done, floor swept and mopped. Lunch made. Girls napping quietly in bed while I write this in a clean house.
And when they wake up we get to play and possibly go for a walk.

I love learning these lessons. Sometimes it's a slow and painful process, but the results are incredible.
Learning to be in Your flow, Yahweh, is priceless.



6 comments:

Emily Kaiser said...

Ah yes, the silent Mom yell. Happens daily and then I give it up and the baby gets a nap and everything turns out just fine. It IS exhausting and overwhelming. Thank you for the reminder to give it to Yahweh. It's so easy for me to take in all upon myself. Today, instead of a nap while the girls nap, I'm going to praise Him and clean up this beautiful home he blessed us with. And I'll keep it clean and then you and those sweet girls can maybe come over and play soon! Love you!

jessica kiehn said...

emily, so awesome!

Haley Galloway said...

Oh Jessica. So what I needed in this very very overwhelming season of our lives. Brice just started working third shift and I have been in the WORST funky mood of all time since then. I think reading this has officially kicked me in the rear and gotten me out of the "this sucks" mindset.

Love your heart. Love YOU!

Kari Beth said...

the one and only reason i love getting out of the house a couple days a week is when life gets overwhelming and elle is testing my patience like none other can i can escape. but then, you are so right, as soon as i give it up, collect myself and put life into perspective my whole attitude changes. so thankful for a merciful god and so thankful for a loving family that could care less if the house is not always so clean and that may or may not run out of undies on occasion.
i've been praying over the decision to go back to work or stay at home full time after harry is born....and i think about the overwhelming days that i could just leave behind and go to the office where it is quiet and peaceful and then i think about what i will be missing out on with my babies. i'm so glad that i don't have to worry about it and god will give me his answer in his time.
you are a great mommy! ruby and nora are very lucky little ladies.

jessica kiehn said...

kb you got it girl! Yahweh will tell you in perfect timing!!

sararosie said...

You are such a blessing at the most perfect moments, it seems! Exactly what I needed to read this morning. It's 6:45am and Penny just went back to sleep. I was laying here running through the million things to do with my house, clients, Bible reading, organizing P's room, etc. then I browsed on here and realize I need to relax and give it up to my sweet Father. Thanks for hearing the upward call and urging us all toward it! Love you!

Monday, January 21, 2013

responding right to rough days

last week. yep. soak it in. 

Upon getting pregnant, one does not know a fraction of the amount that their life is going to change.
Having children changes everything.
I have so much to learn, but I am learning.

I woke up today, with the house somewhat clean (thanks to my man who cleaned the house while I was at a dentist appt!).
The very second I awake, or am awakened by Ruby, rather, I have to be ON. No slow, gentle rising. No easing into motherhood. It's sudden and I do not like it. To remedy this, I'm working on waking up an hour before Ruby so that I can have my mind wrapped around some things and be fully awake and ready to take on the day by the time she wakes up. It seems, however, that when I do this, Ruby wakes up an hour early that same day as well. Ruby!!!!

So this morning, boom, Ruby is in bed with me and almost crushing Nora.
"Ruby! Babe, be careful. She's a baby, you can't do that"
Nora needs a diaper change. Crawl out of the warm bed onto the cold hardwood floor to go get one.
"Mom I want some mmm. I want some mmmm. I want ganola. I want bwead"
I'm thinking I want coffee.
Sweet Kev has already made some and it's sitting waiting for me. Unfortunately we have a chincy coffee pot and it burns coffee quick if it sits on there more than a minute. So I make another cup or so.
Check the laundry room and roll my eyes and cusswords that haven't even been invented yet start flying through my head when I see the work that's ahead of me. I start a load and empty the dryer and carry the clean clothes basket into the living room to be folded.
Oh gosh, Nora could roll off the bed. Back to her. Change her diaper.
I bring homemade jello squares (awesome breakfast for your growing toddler, Jess) and coffee to bed and read the girls our library books.
I remember Ruby wet herself last night in church (stood up while potty is rolling down her pants and says "I have to go potty!". Little late babe:) ) and needs a bath from that.
I need a shower, too.
We prop Nora up in the Bumbo and hop in the shower.
Nora is crying and needs to go down for a nap.
I do that and Ruby insists on helping. I'm mouth-yelling to make no noise for my nursing babe I'm trying to get to sleep, but need to get my point across.
With huge facial expressions I mouth "Ruby, no! *point to the door* I'm laying Nora down, you may not be in here. Go out and I'll play with you in a minute"
And, being my little mirror image. She does the exact thing back.
Wide eyed and mouthing "Mommy! I help Nora. I wanna snuggle wiss her" and her body language makes me laugh out loud. So I lose control and authority and Ruby knows she's "in" because tough Momma just broke and is now laughing at how darn cute I am.

The morning was busier and more hectic but I'm leaving details out like trying to respond to all my clients and their booking needs.

The girls are both asleep now as I type this and it makes me realize this.

The hard times only last for a time. Nothing is permanent.
I know for me personally the enemy loves to get in my mind during these challenging times and try to make me pity myself. And tell myself how hard this is, that I'm never on top or in control anymore.

And actually, yep, that's true. Not the pitying myself, that's useless. I have no reason to be pitied! But the whole never-on-top, not-in-control thing. The house sometimes looks like that picture above. Honestly and thankfully not very often, but it does sometimes. I am sloooooowly learning to find joy when things are not going the way I think they should go. Can I still be a present, calm, and happy mom even if/when the house gets out of control and schedules are off and what I thought the day would look like has flown out the window? Or will it turn me into a witch that I don't ever want my family seeing?

Honestly, as of right now, it's more the latter. But I really am learning. And days like today are helping me. Because the day started off feeling so overwhelming and I wanted to give up and yell and just say THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO AND TOO MANY PEOPLE NEED ME. I can't do it!

So, I gathered all my emotions, put them in order, and chose what I know to be true: I chose to bring it to my covering. I prayed. I said "Yahweh, I need you. I declare this day is Your day that I get to be a part of, and I will do my part to be in your flow. My life is yours. Help me. Help me be whatever I need to be today" and I kept speaking and the weight of the world slowly lifted off my shoulders. Suddenly, I didn't care what I got done. I just cared about being with Him all day. In His presence. That couple hours of imperfection was finally revealed to me for what it really was: a couple hours. Compared to a lifetime.

This happened in my laundry room while Nora napped and Ruby watched a movie. I went in the living room with her and had a renewed sense of patience, gentleness, and kindness.
I'll get done whatever Yahweh wants me to get done. I retold myself.

And the cool part is? I got everything done that I wanted!
All laundry is done, floor swept and mopped. Lunch made. Girls napping quietly in bed while I write this in a clean house.
And when they wake up we get to play and possibly go for a walk.

I love learning these lessons. Sometimes it's a slow and painful process, but the results are incredible.
Learning to be in Your flow, Yahweh, is priceless.



6 comments:

Emily Kaiser said...

Ah yes, the silent Mom yell. Happens daily and then I give it up and the baby gets a nap and everything turns out just fine. It IS exhausting and overwhelming. Thank you for the reminder to give it to Yahweh. It's so easy for me to take in all upon myself. Today, instead of a nap while the girls nap, I'm going to praise Him and clean up this beautiful home he blessed us with. And I'll keep it clean and then you and those sweet girls can maybe come over and play soon! Love you!

jessica kiehn said...

emily, so awesome!

Haley Galloway said...

Oh Jessica. So what I needed in this very very overwhelming season of our lives. Brice just started working third shift and I have been in the WORST funky mood of all time since then. I think reading this has officially kicked me in the rear and gotten me out of the "this sucks" mindset.

Love your heart. Love YOU!

Kari Beth said...

the one and only reason i love getting out of the house a couple days a week is when life gets overwhelming and elle is testing my patience like none other can i can escape. but then, you are so right, as soon as i give it up, collect myself and put life into perspective my whole attitude changes. so thankful for a merciful god and so thankful for a loving family that could care less if the house is not always so clean and that may or may not run out of undies on occasion.
i've been praying over the decision to go back to work or stay at home full time after harry is born....and i think about the overwhelming days that i could just leave behind and go to the office where it is quiet and peaceful and then i think about what i will be missing out on with my babies. i'm so glad that i don't have to worry about it and god will give me his answer in his time.
you are a great mommy! ruby and nora are very lucky little ladies.

jessica kiehn said...

kb you got it girl! Yahweh will tell you in perfect timing!!

sararosie said...

You are such a blessing at the most perfect moments, it seems! Exactly what I needed to read this morning. It's 6:45am and Penny just went back to sleep. I was laying here running through the million things to do with my house, clients, Bible reading, organizing P's room, etc. then I browsed on here and realize I need to relax and give it up to my sweet Father. Thanks for hearing the upward call and urging us all toward it! Love you!