|last week. yep. soak it in.|
Upon getting pregnant, one does not know a fraction of the amount that their life is going to change.
Having children changes everything.
I have so much to learn, but I am learning.
I woke up today, with the house somewhat clean (thanks to my man who cleaned the house while I was at a dentist appt!).
The very second I awake, or am awakened by Ruby, rather, I have to be ON. No slow, gentle rising. No easing into motherhood. It's sudden and I do not like it. To remedy this, I'm working on waking up an hour before Ruby so that I can have my mind wrapped around some things and be fully awake and ready to take on the day by the time she wakes up. It seems, however, that when I do this, Ruby wakes up an hour early that same day as well. Ruby!!!!
So this morning, boom, Ruby is in bed with me and almost crushing Nora.
"Ruby! Babe, be careful. She's a baby, you can't do that"
Nora needs a diaper change. Crawl out of the warm bed onto the cold hardwood floor to go get one.
"Mom I want some mmm. I want some mmmm. I want ganola. I want bwead"
I'm thinking I want coffee.
Sweet Kev has already made some and it's sitting waiting for me. Unfortunately we have a chincy coffee pot and it burns coffee quick if it sits on there more than a minute. So I make another cup or so.
Check the laundry room and roll my eyes and cusswords that haven't even been invented yet start flying through my head when I see the work that's ahead of me. I start a load and empty the dryer and carry the clean clothes basket into the living room to be folded.
Oh gosh, Nora could roll off the bed. Back to her. Change her diaper.
I bring homemade jello squares (awesome breakfast for your growing toddler, Jess) and coffee to bed and read the girls our library books.
I remember Ruby wet herself last night in church (stood up while potty is rolling down her pants and says "I have to go potty!". Little late babe:) ) and needs a bath from that.
I need a shower, too.
We prop Nora up in the Bumbo and hop in the shower.
Nora is crying and needs to go down for a nap.
I do that and Ruby insists on helping. I'm mouth-yelling to make no noise for my nursing babe I'm trying to get to sleep, but need to get my point across.
With huge facial expressions I mouth "Ruby, no! *point to the door* I'm laying Nora down, you may not be in here. Go out and I'll play with you in a minute"
And, being my little mirror image. She does the exact thing back.
Wide eyed and mouthing "Mommy! I help Nora. I wanna snuggle wiss her" and her body language makes me laugh out loud. So I lose control and authority and Ruby knows she's "in" because tough Momma just broke and is now laughing at how darn cute I am.
The morning was busier and more hectic but I'm leaving details out like trying to respond to all my clients and their booking needs.
The girls are both asleep now as I type this and it makes me realize this.
The hard times only last for a time. Nothing is permanent.
I know for me personally the enemy loves to get in my mind during these challenging times and try to make me pity myself. And tell myself how hard this is, that I'm never on top or in control anymore.
And actually, yep, that's true. Not the pitying myself, that's useless. I have no reason to be pitied! But the whole never-on-top, not-in-control thing. The house sometimes looks like that picture above. Honestly and thankfully not very often, but it does sometimes. I am sloooooowly learning to find joy when things are not going the way I think they should go. Can I still be a present, calm, and happy mom even if/when the house gets out of control and schedules are off and what I thought the day would look like has flown out the window? Or will it turn me into a witch that I don't ever want my family seeing?
Honestly, as of right now, it's more the latter. But I really am learning. And days like today are helping me. Because the day started off feeling so overwhelming and I wanted to give up and yell and just say THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO AND TOO MANY PEOPLE NEED ME. I can't do it!
So, I gathered all my emotions, put them in order, and chose what I know to be true: I chose to bring it to my covering. I prayed. I said "Yahweh, I need you. I declare this day is Your day that I get to be a part of, and I will do my part to be in your flow. My life is yours. Help me. Help me be whatever I need to be today" and I kept speaking and the weight of the world slowly lifted off my shoulders. Suddenly, I didn't care what I got done. I just cared about being with Him all day. In His presence. That couple hours of imperfection was finally revealed to me for what it really was: a couple hours. Compared to a lifetime.
This happened in my laundry room while Nora napped and Ruby watched a movie. I went in the living room with her and had a renewed sense of patience, gentleness, and kindness.
I'll get done whatever Yahweh wants me to get done. I retold myself.
And the cool part is? I got everything done that I wanted!
All laundry is done, floor swept and mopped. Lunch made. Girls napping quietly in bed while I write this in a clean house.
And when they wake up we get to play and possibly go for a walk.
I love learning these lessons. Sometimes it's a slow and painful process, but the results are incredible.
Learning to be in Your flow, Yahweh, is priceless.